Saturday, 30 June 2007

from my diary: To Escape:


It’s one of those days when you wake up with a tornado playing with your heart pushing you to run. I fought myself by thoughts, I became angry & passionate.
I began to draw my lines, with tears popping from my unsettled eyes, my lost & confused eyes, without finding an exact reason. I had already drawn all the straight lines when I heard him, beating my inner flesh. With his beats__ I ran & ran, either I became invisible or the world had. The sound of my breath was a sound of anger, my eyes where wet, despite the dry currents of air... Till I reached a ramp, and after loosing more information than my eyes might loose, I fell on my knees & wept. I had fear & I wanted to get over it, & that was the reason of my following standing. I saw a dark staircase & I went up watching the process of shadow, three doors where in front of me so my head turned left & right then I got through one of them which lead to a narrow staircase.
I went up with a shaking body, and another sound had taken over my inner sound; there were humming which became clearer while rising. The first door I opened clarified the sound as it was from some machines inside the room & when I saw a jacket hanged there I continued my rising journey. Actually I couldn’t figure out how high am I reaching till I saw it “4th storey” & a door’s silhouette under the name of “Storage”, I got through it & Oh my God ! I am on the roof!!
Actually I found another way up! A spiral staircase & a ladder which reminded me of things, I went up & here I am being washed by the wind..
Through that position I saw a larger inclined area that I have got down to it through another staircase.
Down there yet so high, I was still shaking but astonished, engrossed & proud. I laid down on the tilted ground indulged with the rush of clouds, they were moving visibly. It was a time with no time; it was a cut... a black hole!
I got back then with constant steps, my eyes were widen, feeling nothing, seeing nothing & staring at the absolute air.
we always say we need a place to study, to play to read or to sit, but we never say this need of escaping to feel nothing. Well maybe the reason here is that a place you escape to is never known, you just find it or came by it. A place that allows dissolved senses. When being one’s self is no longer important, once we are attached to our real longing.

What was that place you escaped for?


Anonymous said...

It is removed

Deema said...